Read This If You Remember Criticism More Than Compliments

Last week, I was digging through my inbox looking for a few testimonials from the women in my latest
cohort. As I searched, I found something else.

A message from over five years ago from an old boss who sent me a nasty-gram ripping apart one of my
ideas…

“Unclear.”
“Not succinct.”
“Not substantial enough to stand alone.”

Ouch.
But the part that actually hit me wasn’t the message (or that I save it!).

It was how instantly the entire email came back to me — word for word — a core memory.

Meanwhile, ask me to quote the 10+ messages I received last month from women saying their
performance skyrocketed inside my coaching?

I couldn’t recite a single one.

But that criticism? Burned in like a tattoo on the lower back from Spring Break.

And here’s the thing:

This isn’t a “me” problem.
It’s a high-achieving woman problem.
A smart-woman-who-self-surveils problem.
A “shouldn’t I be past this by now?” problem.

Maybe it’s your problem too.

Why this matters…

If you were at my latest webinar, you already know the truth: Women don’t play small because they
aren’t capable.

Women play small because they are haunted by criticism they turned into Gospel.

Every single group I coach, I hear the same patterns:

•  “My VP told me I was too direct. I’m working on smoothing my edges.”
• “Years ago my idea was torn apart. I’ve second-guessed myself ever since.”
• “A client complained about my presentation. Now I triple-check everything and do half my
  team’s work just so it never happens again.”

Here’s the part that makes me want to flip a conference table like a New Jersey Housewife…

The people who said these things aren’t even thinking about you anymore.

They’re not replaying that moment.
They’re not scrolling your LinkedIn.
They’re not wondering if you “fixed” it.

But YOU — the woman carrying the team, holding it all together, being the go-to person for everything
— you’re still adjusting your style to avoid repeating that moment.

That one piece of criticism has become a chokehold.

And it’s costing you:

• Energy
• Influence
• Visibility
• Confidence
• Time
• Sleep
• Joy
• Your life outside of work
• Your next level

I call this The Ghost of Critics Past — like The Christmas Carol, but with worse lighting and a much
lower entertainment budget.

And it shows up constantly in high-performing women who should be leading at the next level… but are stuck overthinking every move.

The Ghost of Critics Past

I have a client whose boss once said in a meeting:

“You need to be more prepared next time.”

Except she was prepared.
She just didn’t present the content in a way that catered to his decision-making style.

That was three years ago.

Since then?

• She over-prepares chronically.
• She pulls all-nighters before a big presentation.
• She holds back in meetings, even when she has a clear point of view.
• She over-edits every email.

Has anyone else complained?
No.

Have her leaders asked her to stop overthinking?
Multiple times.

But the Ghost of That One Critic keeps driving the car.

Sound familiar?

Here’s how it shows up in your world:

• You hold back in meetings because someone once called you “intense.”
• You avoid advocating for a raise because last year you were told budgets were tight.
• You don’t set boundaries because you fear not being taken seriously.
• You revise every email 6-7 times “just in case.”
• You read Teams messages four times before hitting send.
• You replay a comment from 2019 like it’s your favorite 90s hip-hop song.

Meanwhile…

The critic has moved on.
And you’re acting like their opinion was carved into a stone tablet.

So how do you change it?

Here’s the part I tell my clients and every single woman in my programs:

You cannot build a meaningful career while trying to be liked by everyone.

You cannot advance while editing yourself into a beige, agreeable, watered-down version of who you
really are.

You cannot step into next-level leadership while performing emotional gymnastics for past critics.

And you cannot command the compensation and opportunities you want while you’re still trying not to
upset someone who hasn’t thought about you since 2019.

During a recent coaching session, a client had an ah-ha moment when I said:

“You’re not exhausted because you’re doing too much. You’re exhausted because you’re EDITING yourself too much.”

This hit because she realized she’d spent YEARS making decisions based on avoiding negative feedback instead of pursuing (and asking for) what she actually wanted.

What about you?

• Have you built your communication style around not sounding “too much”?
• Is your calendar built around not seeming “uncommitted”?
• Is your to-do list built around not disappointing anyone?
• Is your leadership style built around not ruffling feathers?

If yes, you’ve been living for the Ghost of Critics Past.

Meanwhile, the version of you that is strategic, decisive, influential, and energized is waiting to be let out of the cage.

Your Receipts Matter (More Than Your Criticism Files)

I encourage my clients to keep a Knowledge Bank.
Every time you get a win, it goes into the bank.

Not because you need applause. Because you need evidence.

Evidence that:

• You’re great at what you do
• Your work has impact
• The right people get you
• Courage resonates louder than fear
• Your leadership is valuable
• You are meant to be at the next level
• Your voice matters

You Are Human — But You Are Also a Leader

Compliments fade.
Criticism sticks.
But neither defines you.

You get to decide which voices drive your life — at work and at home.

So as you go into this week, ask yourself:

What’s the one piece of criticism you’re still carrying around?

And who would you be without it?

Reply and tell me — I genuinely want to know.

Because your aligned energy — the kind that accelerates your career — doesn’t come from avoiding
criticism.

It comes from deciding that your future deserves more power than the Ghosts of Critics Past.

If you're ready to stop shrinking yourself to fit old criticism and finally create a life that supports your whole self — not just your work self — watch my free training How to Create a Life That Works for Your Whole-Self.

It’s the first step to leading with clarity, energy, and confidence again.